I started my journey like a lot of us do, excitement, nerves, happiness, anxiety; every emotion comes at you in waves as soon as you see those positive results on that stick. I was absolutely amazed that my body had worked, I had no reason to doubt it but that’s what we do, we doubt our ability because we’ve never used that facility, ‘guilty until proven innocent’ …we should have more faith.
I enjoyed being pregnant and ‘looking forward’ to the birth..? I don’t think I did. I think I knew it’d all be ok somehow, didn’t know how, all a bit out of my hands and my control, this baby had to be born and I experienced incredible waves of sheer panic as to how the hell I was going to do this…again doubting myself and my body before I’d even tried! People love to tell you their horror stories too and offer advice, which only adds to the noise in your head about this epic and impending event that’s fast approaching day by day. I did hear a few people within this noise mention ‘hypnobirthing….’ ‘Oh it was great’ ‘really calm’ ‘really enjoyed it’…I thought now that’s something I need to find out about. So I found Janet online and through a brochure at the hospital, they didn’t really run their own in depth classes just a few short sessions which were big groups and quite brief. Janet rang me in reply to my email and we chatted about the pregnancy and birth and how it could be with the help of this ‘hypnobirthing’ and its techniques.
The sessions were very welcoming, my partner didn’t actually make it to any of the 4 sessions due to work commitments, so I had to find a way to translate the most crucial information to my partner and focus myself on achieving the results I wanted, Janet was more than happy to help after and in between the sessions with specific advice and that really helped. The theory once explained as to why and how Hypnobirthing can help in many ways made complete sense, I sat in the first session of 4 and literally thought ‘this is not what I’d expected’… To be honest I was expecting some stuff to be quite airy fairy and not up my street but it was complete logic and sense and all the fears I was having were one by one being replaced by knowledge and empowerment. I remember the way I felt leaving the first season and as I babbled to my partner later on about it all…I felt suddenly in control. Like this birth was suddenly an achievable thing and that I could do it. You might think hypnobirthing is being hypnotised to relieve your fears, you get placed under someone’s spell and with a click of his fingers you can suddenly pick up that spider, or stand on the top floor of a building. It’s not like that; it’s a journey of empowerment, of understanding how incredible your body is, of knowledge of the choices you have throughout your pregnancy and your birth. I found the breathing techniques that we learnt invaluable throughout my birth.
My baby decided to arrive ‘early’, as we learnt in our class, ‘they come when they are ready’, due dates are merely a guide not a rule. My waters broke and my contractions didn’t start immediately so I was given only 24 hours to be able to birth my baby in midwife led unit, after that I needed to be in consultant led unit. I didn’t let this worry me and went to bed and got a full night’s sleep. Contractions started in the morning slowly but surely, and throughout the day built up. I had family round for lunch and was having contractions every 5-6 minutes through the lunch for which I closed my eyes and breathed through them then carried on with lunch. We called the midwife around 6pm and she came to sit with us. Eventually she offered me an examination and I knew from my classes I didn’t have to have one but I felt I would like one to see my progress. She said ‘it’s not good news’ – my cervix was not really going anywhere at this point – the total opposite of how in Hypnobirthing we should have news presented to us!
I allowed myself to drift off, without playing the cd I played the “magic carpet” track in my head, I’d been playing it at work (I work alone!) and had pretty much memorized it, I drifted off into my own place, I focused on my breathing, counting religiously my breaths in and breaths out, ensuring the outward breath was longer. My partner occasionally rubbed my back or stroked me but I was so focused I was happy where I was on my own. I thought I was in this position for an hour but I was there for 3 or 4 hours until I suddenly said to my partner ‘ I think we need to go now’ my contractions were pretty constant and I was feeling the need to begin pushing. They examined me when I arrived at hospital and I was 9cm with only a minute area of cervix left…I felt very proud that I’d managed that all on my own at home ,no pain relief.
It spurred me on for the next stage knowing I’d got this far, my body WAS doing it, so it can do this next bit! My partner was amazing, said all the right things, gave me water, said supportive things and stroked my hair. I can’t honestly say I stuck absolutely to the rules and ‘breathed him out’ there was a fair bit of pushing but my body was doing it by itself, I just ensured I breathed as calmly and controlled as I could and my body was pushing. Because I had no pain relief at all I was able to feel everything, I could feel his head and him moving down the birth canal I could feel him when his head was born and I felt his body being born. He was placed on my chest immediately after birth and fed within the first hour
In speaking to people since the birth I cannot put into words exactly how it felt, I wouldn’t honestly describe it as painful, it wasn’t, it was powerful, all consuming, emotionally and physically, my body was doing this automatically without conscious thought interfering, it was releasing this new life the way it knew how to without fear and anxiety or doubt.
Writing this is very emotional as it was such an incredibly powerful experience and I would’ve literally done it all again the next day. I felt elated, invigorated, empowered, calm and completely in love with this amazing new life I had created and brought into the world safely. He sleeps well feeds well and we have an incredible bond. Hypnobirthing and Janet gave me a power, a control over what I wanted, I had my ideal circumstances planned but in the end they changed, but with the techniques I learnt and practiced I was able to maintain my total calm and breathing and didn’t for one second worry or panic about my circumstances. I kept focusing on meeting my beautiful baby, picturing his face, his hands and was very excited to meet him. A breathtaking incredible experience, one never forgotten and to be treasured forever.